Is trying to become a psychopath make you dangerous even if you don't fully become one?

Ever since I was young, my parents thought I was stupid, the same, and thought I really wouldn't go far. Ive always never really cared to talk to anyone because I didn't trust anyone, thought everyone was out to tear me down. So ever since I was 15 I started having a sick desire of wanting to become a psychopath because I wanted to become something that was very different from society, kind of like an anti-social dependency that is not with human contact. And now I'm 17 and I start to grow and mature, I still have the pinpointed desire to become a psychopath. ITs like a permanent mark imprinted in my brain. Some nights I say to myself "Omg, what have I done? I want to change! I don't want to live a life like this, and hurt people." But then the next day, I totally change my mind and the bad things from my mind carry me on a drive into inflicting pain into other people or just trying to go farther in the world. Some days its like I really am on a drive to start changing but then someone says something harmful and my brain restarts and I try to destroy that person. A lot of times I feel I have developed a permanent split personality that won't allow me to get help because when I do want to help, my other side will just drive me away and make myself think its stupid and I don't need it. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD DO?